anyway I’m a toxic and unsafe person and no one should be around me
02.12.18
Vale | 19 | agnostic | depressed, borderline, ptsd, trauma | sober since: 10.12.18 | last cut: 30.11.18 | before u judge someone else, try to keep in mind that u r probably a piece of shit too. | 2nd blog: moving-on-v.tumblr.com
darkness-and-silence-forever
lettersfromadreamgirl
And you can feel them in your stomach
the butterflies you got when you were together
all dying in your stomach and leaving you with this sickening feeling
like he's gone but you’re not quite finished
It’s like you’ve built this fire together
made something out of nothing
but all of a sudden he’s decided you’re not what he wants
and he spits on your flame in an attempt to put it out
But not quiteAnd you can’t pinpoint the moment you lost him
the moment that flame started to die and he decided not to feed it anymore
but you can still feel it
subtly, behind the numbness and pain he caused you
And you wish you didn’t because it’s hard enough trying to force a smile without bursting out in tearsAnd when you wander aimlessly in public
drowned in thought
You sometimes think you see him
darting through the crowd like a flash of lightning
And when he turns around, you immediately look away
because you don’t talk anymore
and that’s what you do when you break up
You pretend you didn’t just spend days, months, years, sharing your life with someone who can barely utter your name anymore
Who played you and spun you like a disco ball
then left you to figure out which direction to go in next.
And when you finally get back up on your feet
alone and flustered
you’ve got to tell yourself you’re alright and that it was him and not you
and try not to fall back down againNow you spend your days in the past, wishing to live it all over again and be back in his arms
But you weren’t happy
you were just confused and lovestruck
kidding yourselves into happiness
A couple of silly teenagers so drunk on loving each other that their lives turned into a never ending hangover
Or so you keep telling yourselfYou think you need him
because you can still feel that fire burning
which’ll always give you this lingering feeling like you’re not quite finished with him
But he isn’t coming for you honey
cause you’re this hot rock falling from the sky and he was too weak to catch you
I wrote a poem because I’m sad (via lettersfromadreamgirl)